It’s Time For Female Politicians To Treat Female Constituents As Equals

Background On Inequality Between Women

Inequality between females is more common than equality between females. Females create inequality for other females through words and actions of betrayal.

In 1988, I watched a woman television talk show host betray a female guest on her talk show. I couldn’t understand how the host could betray another woman. By that time, I already felt regret for the way I had treated a number of girls and women in my life, but I had never asked myself how I could betray another girl or woman. To figure out why the host betrayed her female guest, I wrote my masters thesis about women as television talk show hosts. What I learned from writing that thesis is that every girl in this country grows up learning how to betray other girls. As women we just keep doing what we grew up doing, betraying other women. Betrayal between females creates inequality between females.

I watched every talk show hosted by a woman for about five years (starting before I earned my B.A.). Most of the topics discussed on the shows fell into four repeating themes. I now call those themes the cultural themes of betrayal between women:

Women as mothers

Women and their appearance

Women as deviants

Teenage girls as threats to society

For more details about each of these themes, see Girl Grit.

As young girls, we learn to judge other girls according to these cultural themes of betrayal. As women, we continue to judge each other according to these cultural themes of betrayal. Even girls who grow up to become politicians judge and betray other women because that is what they learned to do.

Every time a female betrays another female, she betrays herself as well. Every time a female holds another female back, she holds herself back as well. Every time a female judges another woman according to the cultural themes of betrayal, she invites other females as well as males to judge her by the same cultural themes. It’s time for female politicians to learn to stop judging and betraying other females so they can begin to create equality for both constituent females and themselves.

Once I understood that I judged other females based on these cultural themes of betrayal, I rethought all of my relationships with girls and women. I wanted to find a way for all girls and women to stop betraying each other and start supporting each other. I found the way when I read a professor’s four steps for new recruits to be more successful in the Navy. I contacted him, but he prefers to remain anonymous. I adapted his steps, then added other steps as I realized their significance for females. Together they are the 12 Girl Goodwill Steps to Success & Equality:

1.  Look other girls and women in the eye and say hello. *

2.  Focus on what you have in common with other girls and women. *

3.  Create connections between girls and women to help them
recognize what they have in common.

4.  Ask questions to understand differences when you must
consider them.

5.  Avoid judging other girls and women *

6.  Avoid making assumptions by asking questions to
understand intentions.

7.  Listen to any other side of the story.

8.  Ask other girls and women for help, but avoid expecting
more than they can give. *

9.  Speak words to give other girls and women confidence.

10. Take action to help other girls and women shine.

11. Make room for other girls and women to share in success.

12. Speak what you want to hear because boys and men will
deny equality to girls and women as long as girls and women
deny equality to each other.

I read the professor’s advice for Navy recruits in a magazine early in the second Iraq war.

In an effort to spread the word about girl goodwill, I set up a Facebook page to provide examples of girls and women helping other girls and women succeed. I told a few stories from my own life. Thankfully, I had a number of stories to tell, easing my guilt over the far greater number of times I betrayed other females.

Background On One Female Politician

I had briefly worked with a woman before she decided to go into politics. We talked about the ingredients for spectacular success and she found them useful. After her successful first election, I sent her an email, reminding her of the ingredients for spectacular success. She said she would remember them. Months later I sent her information about dream team formulas and pointed out which formula would be most appropriate for her to use as a politician. This was her response:

“Thank you so much for your kind words and very helpful thoughts on how I can work effectively for the district. I truly appreciate your words of wisdom and can’t wait to get to work!”

After I launched my Girl Goodwill campaign, I emailed the politician, explaining my campaign and asking if I could use her name in a story about giving her information to help her succeed. This is the response I received from her female assistant:

“Unfortunately, Wisconsin ethics rules prohibit the use of any legislator’s name for marketing purposes.”

Marketing: the action or business of promoting and selling products or services, including market research and advertising.

I emailed the assistant back, requesting an explanation of how asking women to tell stories about helping other women succeed and telling my own stories about helping other women succeed was marketing. I received no response.

I felt the female assistant had misrepresented me to the politician. If the female assistant was capable of misrepresenting me, the female assistant was capable of misrepresenting other constituents. The politician could lose votes in future elections. I sent an explanatory letter to another female politician. I never received a response. When I ran into the first politician at a public event, she exuded anger at me.

How did this politician go from appreciating my words of wisdom to deciding I was making an unethical request? The cultural themes of betrayal got in the way.

Note: It might be common for women in positions of authority to see unethical intentions in other women to justify judging them as deviant. See Girl Growl Backfire: An Editor gives Herself an Unprofessional Image.

If you are female, you know a female politician is judging you by the cultural themes of betrayal when she makes a decision about you without asking questions to understand differences, without asking questions to understand intentions, without listening to every side of the story. Two female politicians and at least one female assistant judged me without asking any of those questions. All of these women judged me according to the cultural themes of betrayal. If those three women judged me according to the cultural themes of betrayal, they are capable of judging any other female constituent according to the cultural themes of betrayal.

When women judge other women according to the cultural themes of betrayal, they treat them as unequal. When female politicians judge constituent women according to the cultural themes of betrayal, they treat the women they are supposed to be representing as unequal. What sort of equal representation can constituent women expect from female politicians who use stereotypes to judge them as deviant?

If a female politician judges you as deviant, the questions below will help you let the politician know that you expect her to treat you as her equal. They are my questions to the politician who gratefully accepted the information I provided to help her succeed.  I expect her to treat me as her equal.

The questions are based on the six basic questions to ask politicians. Adapt the questions to your situation. You may not need to use all six of the basic questions.

My Questions

What criteria did you use to determine that stories about women helping other women succeed is marketing for profit?

How did you determine the accuracy of your criteria before you used them to judge me?

Why didn’t you ask for more information about the Girl Goodwill campaign?

Why didn’t you visit the Girl Goodwill Facebook page to see what kinds of stories women tell about helping other women succeed?

Why didn’t you ask to read the story I wanted to write about you?

What is unethical about my wanting to use your name in a story about giving you information to succeed when the information I gave you is free on my website, with free instructions for how to use it, with more free information about the importance of situational ingredients in creating success?

What am I marketing with free PDF downloads that say nothing about any product or service I offer?

Where will I get equal representation as a voter now that you have judged me as deviant?

How often do you judge female constituents as deviant?

Female Politicians Are Equal Only When Their Constituents Are Equal

When social status changes — including when someone wins their first political election — the new politician’s brain can change. Their social status and wealth grow compared to most of the people they associated with before their election. Their new status and increasing wealth can change their brains. Empathy for the people they saw as equals before the election will disappear if they no longer see those people as equals. Neither female politician felt empathy for my efforts to improve relationships between women. That is evidence that their brains have changed. They do not understand that my equality ensures their equality.

In spite of the judgmental response from the female politician, I told the story on the Girl Goodwill Facebook page anyway. I took out all identifying details. I initiated the action in the story so it is my story to tell. I do not market anything on the Girl Goodwill Facebook page or in my story about giving information to the politician. I told the story because I want girls and women to learn multiple ways of helping other girls and women succeed. Giving step by step information plus real world examples is one way to help other girls and women succeed.

I want the female politician I briefly worked with to succeed. All women should admire her for deciding to make a difference and succeeding on a difficult path. Just as success for any woman makes eventual success for all women more likely, equality for any woman makes eventual equality for all women more likely. The success of the politician makes my success more likely. Her equality in politics makes my equality as a citizen more likely. What all three of the women who judged me fail to understand is that success and equality for me makes success and equality for them more likely. It’s time for all female politicians to create equality for all female constituents, because equality between men and women will follow equality between women.

My Girl Goodwill Advice To Female Politicians With An Invitation For Male Politicians To Pay Attention

All politicians need to be aware of the potential loss of empathy for their constituents. All politicians need to take steps to keep their empathy intact. Follow these steps before making decisions about your constituents, both male and female:

Talk to people before you make decisions about them.

Ask questions to make sure you understand circumstances and intentions.

Investigate other opportunities to gather information about people and/or issues.

Constituents have the power to hire you, which means they also have the power to fire you. Staying hired means making decisions that give your constituents reasons to keep voting for you.

Do you, blog reader, see any marketing in that girl goodwill advice to help female politicians succeed?

“As for Empathy, the Haves Have Not”
Pamela Paul
The New York Times
December 30, 2010

“Chapter 8: Six Very Powerful Questions”
Attentuated Democracy
David Hubert
2020

“How Wealth Reduces Compassion”
Scientific American
Daisy Grewal
April 10, 2012

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present.
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Facebook Pages

Girl Goodwill

Women Speaking Equality

Standards For Success Posters

Girl Grit

Girl Goodwill

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

 

If Mitt Were Willing To Share, Would Ann Have A Cure For MS?

The techniques for heart surgery were invented by a black man who began his surgical research career as a nineteen year old. His whose job experience was carpentry and working as an orderly in an infirmary. Because few people had attempted heart surgery before, this black man with only a high school education invented instruments to make heart surgery possible. Some of his instruments are still used in operating rooms today. Vivien Thomas (yes, Vivien Thomas was a man) grew up in a low income household. Vivien himself received a janitor’s wages from Vanderbilt University while he was working as a surgical research technician. In the 1930s, Vanderbilt paid all black males janitor wages no matter what kind of work they did.

Let’s play a little It’s A Wonderful Life, that Jimmy Stewart movie where the main character learns what the world would have been like if he had never lived. What if Vivien Thomas had grown up with inadequate food, inadequate health care, and inadequate education? What if all of those inadequacies made Vivien Thomas unable to fulfill his potential of inventing the techniques and instruments for heart surgery? Vivien Thomas’s wages were so low that he considered switching jobs to better support his family. What if his inadequate pay forced him to stop working on the techniques for heart surgery and go back to carpentry? How many people in your life (you?) would be dead or never born if Vivien Thomas had been unable to invent the first techniques and instruments for heart surgery?

Someone else would have invented the techniques for heart surgery eventually, but it could have been decades later. Heart surgery would not be what it is today, so more people would have died instead of being saved. If your family has a history of heart problems, you might not have been born.

What if a child who could have grown up to develop the cure for multiple sclerosis did not develop the cure because inadequate food, inadequate health care, or inadequate education prevented the fulfillment of his or her potential?

If Mitt Romney would share some of his millions to make sure children of all colors had adequate food, adequate health care, and adequate education, perhaps one of those children would grow up to develop the cure that would give Ann Romney her health back. Mitt and Ann should hope that it’s not too late for the cure to be discovered in their lifetimes. Keeping money in offshore accounts doesn’t seem to have done much for Ann’s health.

Mitt has to hope his wealthy peers are generous with their money as well so the door opens wide enough for that particular child to walk through. We cannot assume that child has been or will be born in the United States. Vivien Thomas was born in New Iberia, Louisiana where he went to elementary school. He attended high school in Nashville, Tennessee. No one could have decided that the black children of New Iberia, Louisiana and Nashville, Tennessee should have all of their needs satisfied to make sure one child could grow up to invent the techniques and instruments for heart surgery. No one can look anywhere in the country or the world to decide that one particular group of children should have all of their needs satisfied so that one child could grow up to develop the cure for MS.

And while the open door would let that child through, it would also let through children who have the potential to grow up and improve lives in all kinds of ways. What other health problems plague your family?

If you focus on money, all you get is money. If you focus on creating opportunities, you receive the benefits of those opportunities. Why hasn’t Mitt Romney figured this out? Because he was too busy thinking up reasons to justify his claim that 47% of Americans don’t “take personal responsibility” or “care for their lives”?

“In Search of Vivien Thomas”
Damon M. Kennedy, DO
Texas Heart Institute Journal
January 2005; 32(4): pages 477-478

“The Real Truth Behind The 47 Percent – Why Aren’t Those People Paying Federal Income Taxes?”
Rick Ungar
Forbes
September 19, 2012

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present.
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

 

Evidence Of Equality: God Creates Homosexuals & Heterosexuals As Equals

A 20-year-old server at Carrabba’s Italian Grill in Overland Park, Kansas received an outpouring of support after diners refused to tip him. The restaurant patrons did not refuse to leave a gratuity because the waiter provided poor service — in fact, they said the service was excellent. The couple refused to leave a tip because the server appeared to be homosexual. The diners believed the server’s “lifestyle” made him unequal in the eyes of God. Below is the note they left the server, explaining the inequality they saw:

“Thank you for your service, it was excellent. That being said, we cannot in good conscience tip you, for your homosexual lifestyle is an affront to GOD. Queers do not share in the wealth of GOD, and you will not share in ours. We hope you will see the tip your fag choices made you lose out on, and plan accordingly. It is never too late for GOD’S love, but none shall be spared for fags. May GOD have mercy on you.”

In every instance where diners refuse to tip because they believe servers who are homosexual are “an affront to GOD’, the diners are ignoring evidence from God. God creates homosexuals and heterosexuals as equals by giving them equal talents.

Scientists in different parts of the world are finding evidence that homosexuality is not a choice. That means God created the conditions that make some people homosexual. If God created the conditions that create homosexuality, then God wants some people to be homosexual.

Englishman Alan Turing is on at least two lists of brilliant mathematicians, equal to every other brilliant mathematician on the lists. Alan Turing was a homosexual. God created Turing to be a brilliant mathematician. Turing used his mathematical brilliance to break German ciphers during World War II. He wrote two papers that the British government restricted until 2012 because of their importance. King George VI awarded Turing the Officer of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire (OBE) for his war service. When God gave Turing the brilliance to break Nazi ciphers, God knew that Alan Turing’s work in World War II would save the lives of heterosexuals and help protect the world from Nazism.

Credit is due to Polish cryptographers whose work laid the foundation for Alan Turing’s work.

Turing is also considered to be the father of computer science and artificial intelligence. When God gave Turing the brilliance to become the father of computer science and artificial intelligence, God knew how important computers and artificial intelligence would become in the everyday lives of people around the world. God knew that Alan Turing’s work would improve the daily lives of heterosexuals.

Even if you choose to ignore the scientific evidence in favor of maintaining a belief that homosexuality is a choice, the evidence that God creates homosexuals and heterosexuals as equals still stands. God is all-knowing, after all. If people choose to be homosexuals, God knows that an individual will choose homosexuality before the individual makes that choice. If Alan Turing chose to be homosexual, God knew it ahead of time and created him as a mathematical genius anyway.

The fact that God created Alan Turing with the world changing talent he had is evidence that God intends everyone else to treat Turing with respect. Since Turing helped the Allies win World War II, everyone who fought with or cheered on the Allies owes Turing their gratitude. Since Turing is the father of computer science and artificial intelligence, everyone who uses a computer and benefits from artificial intelligence owes Turing their gratitude. The bottom link below will take you to a list of the top 30 innovations of the last 30 years. Have a look at the list and see how many are related to computer science.

Diners who refuse to leave tips for homosexual servers specifically because they are homosexual treat their servers as unequal. How are those diners going to explain to God their refusal to treat their servers as equal? How is anyone who refuses to treat homosexuals as equals going to explain their decision to God when the evidence shows that God creates homosexuals and heterosexuals as equals?

Note

Years ago, a relative saw me reading a history of lesbians and assumed that meant I was a lesbian. It is likely that people will read this post and assume that I am a lesbian. I am heterosexual. I wrote this post because I want people of every variety of sexuality to use their God-given talents. I want them to use their God-given talents so that I can use whatever they create to become a more successful human being who happens to be heterosexual.

“5 brilliant mathematicians and their impact on the modern world”
Shea Gunther
May 22, 2013

“Customers Refuse Tip To Server, Leave Anti-Gay Note”
Ellie Hall
BuzzFeed
October 25, 2013

“Did Polish cryptographers crack the Nazi Enigma code before Alan Turing?”
George Dvorsky
io9
October 9, 2012

“The Enigma Machine: How Alan Turing Helped Break the Unbreakable Nazi Code”
Open Culture
January 17th, 2013

“Homo Or Hetero? The Neurobiological Dimension Of Sexual Orientation”
Adapted Medea Release
May 31, 2011

“How Alan Turing Invented the Computer Age”
Ian Watson
Scientific American Guest Blog
April 26, 2012

“The Hundred Greatest Mathematicians of the Past”
FabPedigree
James Dow Allen

“Scientists claim that homosexuality is not genetic — but it arises in the womb”
George Dvorksy
io9
December 11, 2012

“Why Alan Turing is the father of computer science”
Jay McGregor
TechRadar
June 7, 2014

“A World Transformed: What Are the Top 30 Innovations of the Last 30 Years?”
-Knowledge@Wharton
knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu
Nov 17, 2013

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present.
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

 

The Pro-Lifers Who Protest Pain To Take Control, Then Inflict Pain To Maintain Control

Many pro-lifers protest the pain they believe aborted fetuses feel (despite scientific evidence that indicates otherwise) in order to control women. But “Spare the rod, spoil the child” pro-lifers inflict pain in order to control babies and toddlers. Pastor Philip Caminiti was leader of the Aleitheia Bible Church in Wisconsin. Caminiti taught parents to use pinching and wooden spoons to inflict pain on infants and toddlers. Pro-life parents who followed Caminiti’s advice left bruises on their children. Inflicted on a fetus, pain is inhumane. Inflicted on a one and a half month old baby, “pain is a good way to teach children.” Parents inflicted pain on their babies and toddlers “for things such as being emotional, grumpy or crying, not sitting quietly through church, crying when being handed from a mother to another person or for potty training mistakes”.

Author M. Dolon Hickmon grew up with parents who believed that “pained screaming and broken sobbing” were “desirable”. Christian parents who believe in the desirability of pain tell their children they love them. This expression of love is supposed to prove the parents are not abusive.

Three sets of parents have been found guilty of killing their children after following the advice in a parenting book written by Michael and Debi Pearl. The Pearls recommend beating children with 15-inch plastic tubes, starving children, and forcing them to sleep outside in cold weather, among other tortures. The purpose of the pain is to train children to obey. The Pearls recommend inflicting pain before children are disobedient to teach total obedience.

Yet according to Jill Stanek, unborn babies must be protected from pain. The purpose of the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act, passed by Congress, “is simply meant to protect the preborn child’s right to life.” Apparently, born children don’t have a right to life.

If pain is bad for the unborn or preborn, why is it good for the born? Obviously, pain is not the issue. Control is the issue, total control. Total control that justifies killing thoughts, killing feelings, and killing lives.

This need to control explains why “Spare the rod, spoil the child” pro-lifers ignore the pain children endure because they are unwanted, because their parents are too poor to satisfy physical needs (adequate food, health care, heat, shelter), or because their families face discrimination. People who need to inflict pain to maintain control have to protect their ability to inflict pain. Drawing attention to the detriments of pain would work against their need for total control.

People with this need to control seem to have a view of the world in which everyone has their place in a sacred world order ordained by God. Because they follow the “Spare the rod, spoil the child” Biblical belief, they place themselves at the top of the natural order, just beneath God. Many pro-life supporters do not believe in this religious natural order. I shall call the pro-life supporters who do believe in a religious natural order “pro-life place protectors”. The focus of pro-life place protectors is protecting their own place in what they believe is God’s natural order for the world. They will inflict pain on anyone who threatens their place in that order.

Pro-life place protectors believe God wants everyone to recognize and accept their place in the natural order God created. Pro-life place protectors believe they know what God wants for everyone, so everyone else should do what they say God wants them to do. Physical, mental, and emotional pain are tools for keeping everyone in their place. It is good for pregnant women to suffer the loss of choice, because then they will learn their place in the world. It is good for poor people to suffer lack of food, healthcare, heat, shelter, and education, because then they will learn place in the world. It is good for oppressed groups to suffer discrimination, because then they will learn their place in the world.

For pro-life place protectors the issue is control, not pain.

The next time a pro-life place protector makes claims about the pain of the unborn, ask them why pain is inhumane for unborn babies, but a learning experience for born babies. You can use the examples in this blog post to ask specific questions.

What Are The Future Consequences for Pain Inflicting Parents?

Pain-controlled children who survive childhood will eventually become middle-aged adults while their pain-inflicting parents will become elderly. As elderly people, pain-inflicting parents will have a different place in the world. Control will shift from physically weak elderly parents to physically strong adult children. The ability to inflict pain to maintain control will also shift. How will these adult survivors of pain react to elderly parents who are emotional, grumpy, crying, not sitting quietly, objecting to being cared for by strangers, or having potty accidents?

“10 Abortion Myths That Need To Be Busted”
Amanda Scherker
The Huffington Post
January 26, 2015

“Another couple found guilty of murder for parenting by ‘To Train Up a Child'”
Examiner
November 15, 2013

“Does a Fetus Feel Pain at 20 Weeks?”
Dave Levitan
FactCheck.org
May 18, 2015

“Evangelicals’ obsession with ‘sexual purity’ has nothing to do with sex”
Sara J. Moslener, Religion Dispatches
Salon
July 8, 2015

“Fetal pain bills sweep across US: Pro-aborts afraid to challenge”
Jill Stanek
April 4, 2011

“Pastor offers contradictory testimony in child abuse trial”
Tony Galli
WKOW Television
Mar 20, 2012

“A Snapshot of Religion Related Child Abuse From June 2007 to June 2011”
Perry Bulwer
Religion and Child Abuse News Blog
July 3, 2011

“A Survivor’s Conversation With Christianity”
M. Dolon Hickman
Patheos
September 12, 2013

“Update: Lori Wick, Christian Author Involved in Child Abuse Probe”
Suzanne Calulu
Patheos
May 26, 2012

“Wisconsin church members are accused of child abuse”
Rose French
Star Tribune
March 25, 2011

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present.
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

 

Right Resume, Right Status, Right Promise, But The Wrong Person For The Job

He worked as an executive at Chrysler, Packard Motor Car Company, and General Motors. He became the free-spirited “Auto Prince”, the “Detroit dream merchant”, the savior of Chevrolet. He promised to build a new dream car.

But John DeLorean’s overconfidence, his flashy lifestyle, and his playboy reputation did not fit well with other General Motors executives.

At General Motors, DeLorean created America’s muscle car, the Pontiac GTO, by listening to rock and roll.

But after DeLorean’s death, The Independent wrote about his “trail of fraud going back 20 years”.

The British government thought DeLorean was the right person to bring jobs to Northern Ireland for the sake of creating peace during the worst of “The Troubles”.

But DeLorean hid his dream car’s flaws, defrauded his own company, and put millions into Swiss bank accounts and dummy companies for his own use.

The DeLorean DMC-12 car had an acceleration speed too slow for a sports car. The stainless steel body panels showed fingerprints. It looked like a cookie cutter car with few options for individuality. The $25,000 price tag was too expensive for the market. Despite John DeLorean’s claim that he had 30,000 people waiting to buy his car, only about 6000 cars sold.

John DeLorean could not raise enough money to keep the company going. The DeLorean Motor Company went into bankruptcy and receivership. DeLorean fought legal battles over the company’s bankruptcy for more than ten years. He declared bankruptcy in 1999. He was evicted from his New Jersey estate in 2000.

The DeLorean car became famous in the movie Back to the Future. About two thirds of the original cars are still on the road with improvements to fix the flaws. Steve Wynne and the DeLorean Motor Company of Humble, Texas (DMCH) used to build refurbished DeLorean cars from new parts, original parts, and reproduction parts. Now the company supplies parts, reproduces parts, and does restorations.

None of the current successes make up the financial losses for the British government and every individual investor. None of the current successes will make up the job losses for Irish workers who desperately needed employment. All of them lost because the wrong person got the job.

Questions to ask yourself:

“What have I lost because the wrong person got the job?”

“What have the people I love lost because the wrong person got the job?”

“What can I do to encourage other people to hire the right person for the job?”

“How am I going to avoid choosing the wrong person for anything?”

“Five things you might not know about DeLorean Motor Company”
Sofiane Kennouche
The Scotsman
October 21, 2015

“John DeLorean: The man who fooled the world”
The Independent
October 20, 2011

“Nerves of Stainless Steel | Auto Maverick John DeLorean”
JP
The Selvedge Yard
May 29, 2009

“Q & A: Stephen Wynne, CEO of DeLorean Motor Company”
Jason Bisnoff
New York Daily News
October 20, 2015

“The Rise and Fall of John DeLorean”
The Eighties Club
2000

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present.
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

 

Wrong Age, Wrong Color, Wrong Status, But The Right Person For The Job

He was 19 years old. He was black. He was a carpenter.

But Vivien Thomas was the right person to develop the techniques for heart surgery.

In 1930 white surgeon Dr. Alfred Blalock ignored all the wrongs and saw something right about the teenage black male carpenter. Dr. Blalock hired Vivien Thomas as a surgical research technician at Vanderbilt University in Nashville.

Vanderbilt University paid Thomas as if he were a janitor, because all blacks at Vanderbilt received janitor’s pay no matter what their real jobs were.

But Vivien Thomas was the right person to invent instruments for heart surgery.

When Dr. Blalock considered a position at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit and wanted to take Vivien Thomas with him, the hospital let Blalock know that Vivien Thomas would not be welcome.

But starting in 1944, Dr. Blalock performed the first heart operations at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore with Vivien Thomas standing on a stool behind him, looking over his shoulder. Blalock needed Thomas to coach him through the surgery Thomas had developed.

Years after doctors from around the country and around the world came to Johns Hopkins to learn the heart surgery techniques Vivien Thomas had developed and a year after Vivien Thomas developed a complex surgical technique called atrial septectomy, Thomas looked into fulfilling his dream of becoming a doctor. He applied to Morgan State University. Morgan State ignored Thomas’ pioneering accomplishments and told him he would have to take all of the basic freshmen courses.

But Dr. Blalock had Vivien Thomas doing surgery alone on lab dogs within weeks of hiring him when Thomas was still 19 years old. The techniques Thomas developed became the basis for a variety of heart surgeries.

Johns Hopkins awarded Vivien Thomas an honorary Doctor of Laws degree in 1976. Today, Dr. Thomas’ portrait hangs next to Dr. Blalock’s portrait in the lobby of the Alfred Blalock Clinical Sciences Building at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine.

Questions To Ask Yourself

“How many people in my life have benefited because a white male surgeon ignored all the wrongs and hired the right person for the job?”

“How much have I lost because someone else saw only the wrongs and refused to hire the right person for the job?”

“What can I do to encourage other people to hire the right person for the job so that I don’t lose any of the benefits the right person would create for my life?”

“How am I going to make sure I choose the right person for anything?”

Note 1

In the decades before Dr. Blalock hired Vivien Thomas, individual doctors performed early forms of heart surgery. The surgery developed by Vivien Thomas and performed by Dr. Blalock was the surgery that made the world take notice and brought you whatever benefits heart surgery has created in your life.

Note 2

Several online references write about Vivien Thomas as a janitor. According to Thomas’ autobiography, he never worked as a janitor. He was paid as a janitor, but never worked as a janitor. Dr. Blalock hired Thomas to be a surgical research technician and put Thomas to work doing surgery on dogs his very first day of work. Within weeks, Dr. Blalock had Thomas doing the surgery by himself.

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present.
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

Letter To A Crony Clique

This post is an attempt to help you recognize crony cliques, understand their barriers and tactics, and make them answer for their actions.

The Encarta World English Dictionary definition of crony is:

“a close friend, especially one of long standing”

The Encarta World English Dictionary definition of clique is:

“a close group of friends or colleagues having similar interests
and goals, and whom outsiders regard as excluding them”

A crony clique is a group of friends or colleagues that keeps its interests and goals separate from outsiders. Cronies treat outsiders who try to participate in the clique’s interests and goals as trespassers. As a group they use crony tactics to protect themselves from trespassers.

Crony tactics to keep outsiders out include restrictions on membership using a variety of barriers:

Identity barriers

Rule barriers

Physical barriers

If a crony clique is forced to include an outsider, the cronies will treat the outsider as a trespasser and use a variety of tactics to prevent trespassers from participating in their privileges, including:

Double standards for accomplishments

Double standards for behavior

Behind-their-back meetings

Rerouted communication for the purpose of hijacking a decision or process

Ugly gossip about trespassers to hide crony tactics
(Crony clique members hide their own wrongful actions by accusing
the people they harmed of taking wrongful actions.)

If they feel the need, crony cliques will use a combination of barriers and tactics to protect themselves from outsiders and trespassers.

If a crony clique is treating you as an outsider or a trespasser, try sending them a letter asking specific questions. If any individual, group, or organization has a stake in the effectiveness of the crony clique, you could also send a copy of the letter to them. This will put pressure on the crony clique members to explain their actions to the people whose approval they need.

I had a bad experience with a crony clique that was part of the county historical society. After doing research on crony cliques, I decided to send the crony clique a letter and send a copy to the county historical society. You can use my letter as a template for writing your own letter to a crony clique. If you like, send a copy of your letter (with names removed) to paula at speakingfromtriumph.com. Let me know the crony clique’s response, as well as the response of anyone with a stake in the crony clique. I will use all the letters and responses to give my readers more information about coping effectively with crony cliques. Together, we can work to make our communities, states, and country more effective.

My Crony Clique Story

I live near an historical building that belongs to the county historical society. Individuals volunteer to be on the committee that hosts fundraising events for the purpose of maintaining the building. The events include an annual art show as well as music and other events. The woman who had originally organized the art show decided to end her participation after more than a decade. No one stepped in to keep the show going, so one year went by without an art show. The next year, 2006, I discovered that no one was going to organize a show again that year, so I said I would do it. I had volunteered at the art show for years, so I at least had that experience.

I contacted people who had been part of the historical building committee before, inviting them to the first meeting. Since I had never been on the committee before, I mostly coordinated the meetings and provided opportunities for the people with more experience to do what they had done before. I also headed up the art show committee, organizing the artists and volunteers. Through our combined efforts, the show was a rousing success.

In March 2007, I finished making a documentary about the Midwest Renewable Energy Association (MREA), host of the longest running and most successful renewable energy fair in the world. I made the documentary to understand the amazing success of the MREA’s annual energy fair. I discovered the ingredients for spectacular success. Every spectacular success around the world uses most if not all of the ingredients for spectacular success. Examples include Habitat for Humanity, the Underground Railroad, Martha Stewart, Solidarity in Poland, Starbucks, Southwest Airlines, the world’s largest trivia contest, and the navy cruise missile destroyer USS Benfold under Captain D. Michael Abrashoff and the commander who followed him.

At a three person art show committee meeting in early 2007, I said I wanted to sell my documentary at the art show. An artist at the meeting immediately told me I would have to ask the full committee for permission.

Artists on the historical building committee sold their art at the art show without ever asking permission to do so, including the artist who told me I had to ask for permission. A singer on the committee regularly scheduled her own group to sing at the historical building without ever asking permission to do so. A business owner whose store is across the street from the historical building used the historical building’s outdoor bulletin board for free advertising without ever asking permission to do so. The owner of a landscaping company donated trees and plants to the historical building and used the donation to advertise her business. A former committee member with a framing business framed old photographs to hang in the historical building and used the donation to advertise her business. A local businessman who did some work on the historical building posted a sign in the parking lot to advertise his business. All of those people found ways to personally profit from their volunteer time for the historical building.

Any community artist who wants to sell their work at the art show merely had to say, “I want to sell my art at the art show.” They wrote their names and addresses on a list. A few months before the show, the head of the art show committee (that would have been me at the time), sent letters to everyone on the list and the first 40 who responded sold their art at the show.

No one had to ask permission to personally profit from the art show.

I sent an email to all of the committee members asking why I was the only person who had to ask for permission to sell their art at the art show. I received no response. The artist had created a rule barrier, but no one could think of a way to justify the rule barrier.

I would like to point out here, as I did to the historical building committee, that very few people would have bought my documentary. Documentaries do not sell well. I watch documentaries all the time, but I have never bought one. I wanted people to see my documentary on a table and pick it up to read the back cover. Then people who had never heard of the MREA would learn about it and possibly look them up on the Internet, visit the fair, or attend a one of the workshops the MREA hosts at other times of the year.

Because my documentary shows the history of an historical event in the county, it seemed to me that it should be included in historical society events. I emailed the president of the county historical society, and he agreed to take copies to sell at historical society events. Any profit would go to the historical society.

I was right to consider my documentary a resource for the county’s history. A former executive director of the MREA later told me that whenever they hired a new employee, she would hand them a copy of my documentary and say, “Here. This is the history of the MREA. Watch it.” A later MREA director used 17 quotes from my documentary in a book about the first 20 years of the energy fair. My documentary was the major source for the book.

As soon as the committee found out that I had contacted the president of the historical society, one of them emailed me to accuse me of going behind their backs.

I was unable to attend the next two meetings — an art show committee meeting and a full committee meeting. After those two meetings I received the following email. I have put the crony clique clues in bold font:

To let you know, we discussed a policy (initially at the
art show mtg and then confirmed at the General Comm.
Mtg) regarding the sales of non-art items at the Art Show
and music events, as well as other items in general. We
decided that we don’t want to be in the business of selling
stuff, or promoting others’ materials. So the policy reads
something to the effect that only items from non-profit
organizations may be displayed or sold (that gives us
discretionary power). We hope it will eliminate complications
such as the (specialty) T-Shirts in which we ended up losing
money because we lost track of the inventory.

This policy would also apply to your DVD’s, Paula. We
hope this isn’t taken as a personal affront. We just want to
avoid the complications of selling other products.”

The singer who used the historical building as her personal performance stage wrote this email to me. Her group no longer performs yearly at the historical building. Perhaps the conflict of interest became to blatant to ignore.

Lets look at the crony clique clues in detail.

“…we discussed a policy (initially at the art show mtg and
then confirmed at the General Comm. Mtg)”

These were behind-my-back meetings.

“non-art items”

“stuff”

“other products”

The art show sells still photographs. One year they sold photographs that had been cut to fit magnets to put on refrigerators. Video is a form of photography. Both still and moving pictures begin with cameras. My documentary includes graphics and music, both of which are considered art.

After receiving that email, I googled “documentary as art” and got 1,100 hits. I googled “Arts and Sciences + documentary” and got 27,400 hits. I googled “documentary artist” and got 10,200 hits. Every year around the world, thousands of film festivals and awards ceremonies recognize and celebrate documentaries as art. The crony clique historical building committee set a double standard for my documentary by deciding it was “non-art” “stuff”.

In the case of video photography, the crony clique historical building committee actually set two double standards. For years, the historical building committee has shown a version of my “stuff” at the historical building. They have a yearly summer movie night. They started out showing movies about people and events in Wisconsin’s history.

Remember, my documentary is about a nonprofit organization within the same county as the historical building. Members of the MREA staff consider my documentary a history of the MREA and its annual fair. It fit the characteristics the committee looked for in the movies they showed.

“others’ materials”

These words created an identity barrier. They clearly identified me as an “other”. The cronies saw me as a trespasser.

“So the policy reads something to the effect that only items
from non-profit organizations may be displayed or sold
(that gives us discretionary power).”

Again, my documentary is about the nonprofit MREA. Selling the documentary at the art show would support the MREA in more than one way. First, my documentary would draw attention to the MREA. Second, the back cover states that 50% of the profits will be donated to the MREA. (Because documentaries do not sell well, I have not yet made a profit.) This rule barrier excluded the nonprofit MREA.

“This policy would also apply to your DVD’s, Paula.”

This is a rule barrier written specifically to prevent me from sharing in the privileges the cronies wanted to protect from trespassers. Obviously, the other members of the historical building committee considered their ability to personally profit from being on the committee a privilege that I did not deserve.

The two meetings I did not attend took place two months before the art show, so they had ample time to wait for me to be present at a meeting to discuss my documentary. They purposefully discussed my documentary behind my back so they could use an identity barrier to create a rule barrier using a double standard for accomplishments. They did this to prevent me from sharing in the personal profit privilege they wanted to keep to themselves.

I resigned from both committees.

I cannot quote any specific instance of ugly gossip. I suspect that the committee member who accused me of going behind their backs has used ugly, blaming gossip to hide her own sabotage. I believe this because of another incident.

I live near a curve in our village. The accusing committee member drives around that curve to get to our post office. When I can see cars coming around the curve, I have 6 to 7 seconds before they reach my driveway — if they are going the speed limit. When cars go faster than the speed limit, I might have 3 to 4 seconds before they reach my driveway. I have looked towards the curve, seen no car, and backed out of my driveway only to find a car on my bumper as soon as I stop to shift gears.

To protect myself, I back slowly to the end of my driveway looking in the other direction where the road is straight. At the end of my driveway I turn to look at the curve before backing out. One day when I was slowly backing down the driveway and looking at the straight side of the road, the accusing committee member came speeding around the curve and honked at me. She obviously had not considered the danger I face every time I back out of my driveway, because she did not slow down to the speed limit. Given that experience, I am certain the accusing committee member would use ugly gossip about me without a second thought.

Years later, the accusing committee member and I left a nearby city at the same time on a four lane highway. She moved into the left lane and quickly disappeared into the distance. I was doing the speed limit. She still speeds past my house. I live next to the park. Children live across the road from me in several houses. The accusing committee member put children at risk to satisfy her need for speed.

Crony Clique Short-Sightedness

Since crony cliques exist for their own personal gain, cronies cannot see beyond the tips their noses to consider:

Big picture

Long term consequences

Personal costs

Big Picture

Not everyone agrees with the thinking or actions of crony cliques. I told several people about how the historical building committee crony clique treated me. These are three of the responses:

“How weird! Of course film is art!”

“It’s their loss.”

“Have the MREA ask them to sell your documentary at the art show.”

In fact, the MREA sold my documentary every year I brought copies to their energy fair.

The historical building committee also ignored my documentary’s discoveries about 26 situational, organizational, financial, emotional, and relationship ingredients for spectacular success. One ingredient focuses on self. Two ingredients focus on task. Nine ingredients focus on working with others. Fourteen ingredients focus on satisfying others. Spectacular success comes from working with others and satisfying others.

Other people are paying attention to the ingredients for spectacular success. One of the people I connected with at the energy fair is now moving into a new career. This person is impressed with my findings about spectacular success. In response to an email, she told me she would remember the ingredients for spectacular success in her new career.

Long Term Consequences

The county we live in is a hotbed of spectacular success. I am revising a book that will include a chapter about this county. The chapter will list this county’s spectacular successes. If the historical building committee had treated me as an equal, working with me and satisfying me, I would have wanted to work with and satisfy them. I write about ordinary people who create success for others. I would have named individual members of the committee to bring them recognition for the success they create for artists at their art show.

But the historical building committee invited me to create failure for them, and I accept their invitation. I am using the historical building committee as an example of a crony clique focused on keeping their personal profit privilege to themselves. I am also offering my letter to the historical building committee crony clique as a template for other people to expose the true purpose of all crony cliques — protecting their privileges from people they see as outsiders and trespassers.

I will also refrain from increasing the committee’s success. As my income grows, I plan to be generous. I have built generosity into every sale from my online store. Using my own methods, I will be generous with people and groups in Portage County. If the historical building committee had treated me as an equal rather than as a trespasser, I would have donated money to the historical building. The committee chose to let me know that my “non-art” “stuff” documentary was far too inferior to include in their art show. Therefore, I will not force my inferior money on them.

Personal Costs

First, some of the people who read this blog post will recognize members of the crony clique. I have used no identifying details in this post, but some readers will know whom I’m writing about.

Second, the determination of the historical building committee to create failure for me is evidence that they create failure for other people, both as a crony clique and as individuals.  Failure begets failure, what I call “full-blown failure”. The crony clique members are living with more failure than what this blog post and letter will create for them. They are unlikely to completely understand the extent of the failures because much full-blown failure is done behind their backs. I am letting them know directly that I am creating failure for them because of the failure they created for me.

With this blog post I hope to make letters to crony cliques a common personal cost to crony clique members. Notice, however, that I am polite throughout my own letter to a crony clique. No name calling, no insults, no threats.

My Letter To A Crony Clique

To the 2007 historical building committee,

Please explain in detail what criteria you used to determine that my documentary is “non-art” “stuff”.

Please explain in detail what criteria you used to decide I was an “other”, as in “others’ materials”.

Please explain in detail how selling a documentary about a nonprofit is not a way of supporting that nonprofit.

Please explain in detail why I was told to ask for permission to sell my art at the historical building when no other artist had to ask for permission to sell their art at the historical building.

Please explain in detail why discussing my documentary at two meetings without my knowledge when you had ample time to include me does not fit the definition of “going behind my back”.

The only reason you could claim that I had gone behind your backs was that you had created a rule specifically to justify denying me the same personal profit privilege you maintained for yourselves. Please explain in detail your justification for creating that rule.

In 2009, the MREA celebrated it’s 20th anniversary. Please explain in detail what was unthinkable about showing my documentary history of the MREA as your summer movie and inviting founding MREA members to answer audience questions. The MREA could have sold copies of its book about its first 20 years. You would have shown support for the MREA by showing my documentary and selling their book. Why was that unthinkable?

If the MREA came to you with copies of my documentary and asked you to sell them so they could get their 50% of the profits promised on the DVD cover, how would you explain to them that my documentary is “non-art” “stuff” that does not support a nonprofit?

My documentary is both a history of the nonprofit MREA and a how to. It shows how ordinary amateurs with passion created spectacular success. The founding members of the MREA were all ordinary people who were amateurs at hosting a renewable energy fair, but they were amateurs with passion. Their amateur passion has created all kinds of successes for people, groups, and organizations in Wisconsin, in the United States, and around the world, including:

Friendships (and maybe romances)

Partnerships (and maybe marriages)

Skills for using renewable energy

New public policy on renewable energy in Wisconsin

Hands on learning for teachers

Workshops for kids

Service projects for community organizations

Economic boosts for local businesses during the annual energy fair

Portage County is a county of spectacular successes including but not limited to Trivia, the Green Circle, the College of Natural Resources, CAP Services, and the Suzuki Institute. Please explain in detail why it would be unthinkable for other Portage County amateurs with passion to learn the how-tos of spectacular success from the founding members of the MREA in my documentary.

Sincerely,

Paula Kramer

My Preference

I want to end by saying that I would prefer to write positive stories about the members of this crony clique. I have studied success and failure long enough to understand that my success is dependent on the success of other people. The more successful the members of the crony clique are, the more successful I can be. The crony clique members are intelligent people who have already created a number of successes in their lives. I know they are capable of creating more success than they’ve already created. They just do not understand that creating success for other people opens all kinds of doors to successes they did not know were possible.

I hope every single member of that committee comes to that understanding someday. We all benefit from other people’s success. We deny success for ourselves when we deny success for others. People who focus on one particular kind of success with the belief that achieving it requires excluding others will achieve only that one kind of success. People who exclude others lose out on all the other possible successes that the other people could have created for them.

To understand the possibilities of other kinds of success, read my post “Wrong Age, Wrong Color, Wrong Status, But The Right Person For The Job.” Anyone who has enjoyed the benefits of heart surgery is reaping those benefits because a black male teenage carpenter’s assistant enjoyed enough success in his life to develop the techniques and instruments for heart surgery. He taught those techniques and the use of those instruments to all of the first surgeons who wanted to learn heart surgery. And yes, it all began when he was still a teenager.

Good luck with your crony clique letters.

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Standards For Success Posters

Working With Others & Satisfying Others

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

The Compliment Too Many Men Miss

People are raised to believe all kinds of stereotypes. For men, one of those stereotypes is that friendly women are interested in sex. In the May 25, 2013 Dear Abby column, one young woman wrote that she was “naturally friendly and sometimes guys I’m not interested in think I’m flirting with them.” I am also a friendly woman. I encounter this stereotype frequently.

I have been widowed for decades and single by choice since 1998. The last man I dated wanted to marry me. I said no because I do not want to be married again. If my husband were still alive, I hope we would still be married. But I have reached a stage in my life where I am happily single. I intend to remain happily single for the rest of my life.

However, I do enjoy having conversations with men. I start conversations with men in public. I also start conversations with repairmen who come to my house to work on my telephone, furnace, electricity, and plumbing. Some of the repairmen are interesting to talk to, so I look forward to new conversations when those repairmen come back to my house.

One of those repairmen keeps mentioning his wife, which means he has missed my compliment — that I enjoy our conversations.

When I was in my 20s, I worked in a small neighborhood store in Chicago. A man with a high paying job who lived across the street from the store would come in to talk to the owner. One day when the owner wasn’t there, the man came over and talked to me. We had such a good conversation that he invited me out to dinner. Our interesting conversation continued through dinner. I went home knowing that the man had paid me the compliment of considering me an interesting person to talk to. He was free for that evening and invited me out so he could enjoy further conversation. I never expected anything more.

Compliments can smooth the irritations of the day. Compliments can increase confidence. Compliments can show people the positive things others see in them.

My conversations with men are compliments. I wish more of the men would recognize the compliment, because I intend to keep the compliments coming.

Below are some resources that reveal men’s mistaken assumptions about friendly women. Ironically, a study of college students found that men can misread women’s sexual come-ons as friendly gestures. The Dear Abby advice seeker also wrote that, “…when I try to flirt with a guy, it never works.” See this happen for yourself. Watch Leonard mistake Alex’s sexual come on as friendliness, “The 43 Peculiarity” episode of The Big Bang Theory.

It seems that too many men are missing more than compliments.

Men can also misread sexual desire in other men. Below are three quotes from three articles about the television show Death In Paradise. The characters mentioned are Detective Inspector (DI) Humphrey Goodman and Detective Sergeant (DS) Florence Cassell.

“He (Goodman) was probably trying to impress DS Florence, who he’s clearly in love with (as he was with DS Camille) though he doesn’t even realise it himself.”
Sam Wollaston, reviewer

“I don’t think they’re like that together – I think they’re just mates. I think that it would be a little disingenuous and a little cheating to the show.”
Kris Marshall, the actor who plays DI Humphrey Goodman

“You’ll see their friendship and how Florence wants to help him find a new girlfriend,” reveals Josephine. “But it is just friendship and nothing else. Humphrey had a kind of love story with Camille, so it’d be too silly to have another love story with another French policewoman.”
Josephine Jobert, the actor who plays DS Florence Cassel

I watch this show. I read Wollaston’s review before I watched the episode where Wollaston saw Goodman “clearly” in love with Cassell. I saw no evidence of love. Wollaston is just one man out of many who make the same mistakes. Makes me wonder what Wollaston has missed.

“Actor Kris Marshall on Death In Paradise: We have some real cracking murders coming up”
John Marrs
Sunday Express
December 20, 2015

“Alcohol’s Role in Sexual Violence Perpetration: Theoretical Explanations, Existing Evidence, and Future Directions”
Antonia Abbey
Drug and Alcohol Review
September 2011, Volume 30, Issue 5, pages 481-489

“Clueless Guys Can’t Read Women”
Jeanne Bryner
Live Science
March 19, 2008

“Death in Paradise review: the TV equivalent of a boring holiday timeshare”
Sam Wollaston
The Guardian
February 27, 2015 02.00 EST

“Death in Paradise star Kris Marshall reveals all about series five of the BBC drama”
Frances Taylor
tv.bt.com
January 7, 2016

“Science Confirms The Obvious: Men Mistake Female Friendliness For Sexual Interest”
Laura Allen
Popular Science
April 4, 2009

“Nursing student needs primer on rules of the dating game”
Dear Abby
March 25, 2013
Page 5

~~~~~

Critical Thinking Questions

1.  What’s happening?

2.  Why is it important?

3.  What don’t I see?

4.  How do I know?

5.  Who is saying it?

6.  What else? What if?

Stereotype Thinking Questions

1.  What is threatening my beliefs?

2.  How can I make it unimportant?

3.  What can I reject?

4.  What can I laugh at?

5.  How can I attack people who threaten my beliefs?

6.  How can I deflect?

The stereotype thinking questions are mine, based on my observations of stereotype thinkers.

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Gossip Posters

Gossip Proverb

Good, Bad, & Ugly Gossip

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

To Maintain Gender Stereotypes, Find A Study Of Monkeys & Stick With It!

In an opinion piece titled, “Boys play with trucks and girls play with dolls…so far”, Jim Wolff expressed concern about attempts to offer “boy” toys to girls and “girl” toys to boys. His concern showed up in these phrases:

“gender neutral”

“genderless society”

“politically-correct bulldada”

To justify his distress, Wolff wrote that “stereotyping is not created by society.”

Wolff cited three studies to prove that stereotypes are “naturally” created. His favorite study must have been the study of vervet monkeys because he mentioned it twice. In the study, boy monkeys chose “boy” toys and girl monkeys chose “girl” toys. In response to Sweden’s attempts to break down gender stereotypes Wolff wrote, “Apparently nobody in Sweden paid any attention to the study”, referring to the study of vervet monkeys.

Both of my grandsons did play with trucks. Both of my grandsons also asked to wear nail polish and went out in public with their painted nails. My youngest grandson marched in a parade with me. We wore vintage hats. He chose a hat with a red rose on top. People both admired his hat and applauded us as we walked by.

My granddaughter did briefly play with dolls. She later announced that she no longer wanted to wear pink clothes and was planning which tattoos she will get first when she is old enough. She’ll probably start with tattoos on her arms.

Were my grandchildren just not exposed to the right monkeys? Or is human behavior far more intricate than Wolff wants us to believe?

Wolff also stated we shouldn’t “bet the farm” on boys becoming “seamsters” because parents give them sewing machines. Wolff must consider it a crying shame that Jason Wu’s “cool parents” actually let him play with the toys he chose to play with — dolls! His favorites included a Bob Mackie Barbie, a Dior doll, and other Barbies! Jason even read fashion magazines! Then, his cool mother made the terrible mistake of buying Jason a sewing machine when he was only 9 years old! Jason’s parents even stood by and let Jason sew clothes for his dolls! How could Jason Wu possibly become successful with a sewing machine instead of a truck? It’s a tragedy that Jason Wu ended up designing two inaugural dresses for First Lady Michelle Obama. Now he’ll make the mistake of thinking he can be a successful seamster!

Stereotypes are like clay molds. Most of the clay has to be cut away to fit just the right amount into the mold. Most of what people feel and think and do has to be ignored to fit just the “right” feelings  and the “right” thoughts and the “right” actions into the stereotype mold. Jim Wolff cut out the evidence of what real children feel and think and do to push one study of monkeys as the guide for raising children the “natural” way.

“Boys play with trucks and girls play with dolls…for far”
Jim Wolff
The Berlin Journal
December 6, 2012, page 2
theberlinjournal.com

“Jason Wu: The American Dream”
Suzy Menkes
The New York Times
September 6, 2013

“Jason Wu Woos at Saks Chevy Chase”
Alexandra Geisler
Capitol File
August 29, 2013

~~~~~

Critical Thinking Questions

1.  What’s happening?

2.  Why is it important?

3.  What don’t I see?

4.  How do I know?

5.  Who is saying it?

6.  What else? What if?

Stereotype Thinking Questions

1.  What is threatening my beliefs?

2.  How can I make it unimportant?

3.  What can I reject?

4.  What can I laugh at?

5.  How can I attack people who threaten my beliefs?

6.  How can I deflect?

The stereotype thinking questions are mine, based on my observations of stereotype thinkers.

~~~~~

Online workshop that provides strategies to chip away stereotypes in both professional and personal relationships:

Gossip Power In The Workplace: Good, Bad, & Ugly

“After participating in the gossip power presentation, I know I now have a better plan to be more effective in understanding how gossip affects every area of a person’s personal and professional life. Using her strategies on gossip power and gossip ears I feel I will be better able to navigate these areas both inside and outside the office. Paula does a great job, using both scientific research and personal anecdotes and examples, to develop strategies for turning the power of gossip into positives for anyone attending her presentation. I left energized and excited about her message and what I learned and am definitely looking forward to learning more at her glass ceiling presentation.“
Mark Spiers
SBDC Consultant

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Gossip Posters

Gossip Proverb

Good, Bad, & Ugly Gossip

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

Girl Growl Backfire: A Petition Volunteer Drops Her Coworker’s Jaw

Through a number of friends, I met a woman I’ll call T.

I ran into T at stores, social events, and county events, but never got to know her. I did hear comments from people who knew T well that suggested T had an unpleasant characteristic. I discovered her unpleasant characteristic during a political petition campaign.

This campaign took place during the term of a politician whose manner of leadership left families and friends hesitant to talk to each other about politics. When campaign workers set up sites for a petition opposing this politician, there were reports of the politician’s supporters harassing petition volunteers. Some of the politician’s opponents were guilty of harassing the politician’s supporters. That was the political climate.

When I stopped at a petition site, I saw T standing right behind the table with another volunteer next to her. I asked if they had been harassed, then looked down at the petition. T asked, “Are you going to harass us?” I looked up to see T turning away with a self-congratulatory smirk on her face while her coworker dropped her jaw and stared at T.

T’s coworker did not look at me in fear of harassment. She looked at T in astonishment that she would rudely insult a petition signer. T’s girl growl insult backfired on her. Instead of making me look bad, she made herself look bad. Judging by the comments I’ve heard about T over more than a decade, making herself look bad is a habit.

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present.
All rights reserved.

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